hey baby boy.

we've had rough times these past few days.. im still figuring out why why why.. my head is always in a whirlwind.. i dun wanna hurt u but at the same time this heart of mine is crying and breaking into million of pieces more often than before..

i may look like i dont care but pls baby,ur name is all that is going thru my mind no matter what im doing or wherever i was.. i tried at my very will to avoid any miscomplications tht we had but in the end both of us suffered..

thanks baby for letting me know who mohd redzman truly is.. not that ive not been noticing but im making my own judgements on things on my own now.. i dont wan things to get more haywire coz it will end bitterly..

i cried like a baby not long ago and u shud know why yeah.. i really cant take it baby.. im sorry.. its tearing me apart slowly.. i really dont like to be forced... once i said no, means no.. and i dont like to repeat things.. im not sure why.. maybe im born as a cancer, they are sensitive n short-tempered creatures u noe..

sigh.. at least i felt a lil bit better now.. we kissed and made up.. thats whats so special abt u darling.. ur so unlike the other guys out there.. so so so different.. thank god ive found u sweets..

seriously baby,i wasnt sure the words that came out from my mouth.. i was thinking but im not sure what i was talking abt.. im sry, but i had he urge to bang my head against the wall just now.. i was about to get my asthma attack.. i thought i was goin to bid my final goodbye...

but no..

i thought of u..
i thought of bibil n wawa..
i thought of my nenek..
and i thought of my family n urs too..

thats when i snapped back into reality..thats when i finally realised im not syafiqah anymore. i was someone else. not sure who though.

it was really scary baby. for a moment,i tot i had lost my mind. or maybe sth emerged into my body. waullahualam bissawab, i dunno.

:(

masyallah...

let this be the first and last time that i had to go thru this.. noone knows if im gone.. no baby,no.. that wont happen again right??

we fought alot of times today.. i kept so many things inside.. i just had to let them go.. and those tears i shed represents the stuffs inside that i was dying to kill..

its ok baby,mummy's doing fine now.. thanks baby.. i now ur always thr to lighten things up.. i noe ur my baby boy.. i noe ur e one for me..

pls baby,tkcr of urself when mummy's not ard.. cut down on ur smoking yeah.. i was sad coz u just smoked infront of me just now.. but nah,its ok.. just think of bibil n wawa.. just absorb them in ur head k..

mummy hope that baby's arms will get better soon.. im worried baby.. dont scratch it coz it will tun out ugly.. baby dont wanna ugly arms right? haha.. den just bear with the itch yeah baby..

n do listen to ibu n abah wen mummy's away.. dey really luv u lots baby.. its time u make it up to them.. mummy knows baby will prove it to them that ur not like what ibu n abah thought of right.. go baby go.. show them that ur their fav son..

before i go, i trust u that u will take good care of urself k baby.. pray for mummy's safety k.. mummy will alwys tink of u baby.. ur permanent in my heart.. noone can take u away from me.. mummy wont let my dear baby go.. i wont n i nvr will..

aite love, mummy relly loves u lots.. baby dont naughty2 k syg.. maybe i shouldnt get angry wen u see other girls la.. yeah,maybe i shouldnt.. haiz.. im sry.. i noe im in e wrong baby.. go on, feast ur eyes on them k.. i wont let out a sound.. coz i love u baby... i reli wanna see u happy.. im sry syg.. mummy's really sry..

if i say im sorry baby, will u forgive me?
when i say im alwys thr, will u believe me?

mmmuuuaaaccckkkzzzzz!!!

ILOVEYOU MOHD REDZMAN OMAR.

tears are filling my eyes now.. im ok baby.. dont u worry abt me.. aite,i'll go wipe these tears n i wanna go to bed..

ya allah ya tuhanku yg maha pengasih lagi pengampun, ampunkan lah segala dosa2 sygku ini.. tunjukkan la beliau ke jln yg benar.. kuatkn la imannya dn terangkn lah hati nya.. bimbingla dia supaya menjadi seorang anak,suami dan ayah yg soleh, penyabar dan penyanyang.. jadikanlah dia seorang yg berguna di masa hadapan kelak.. murahkan la rezekinya dan panjangkan lah umurnya.. berikan la dia semangat untuk terus berjuang dlm kehidupan yg penuh dgn rintangan dan halangan ini.. sedarkn la beliau atas cinta dan syg yg aku sering beri kepadanya,yg tiada tolak bandingannya.. bahawa aku lah satu2 nya gadis yg amat memerlukan sserorang seperti nya,kerana beliaulah yg amat memahami naluri seorang perempuan.. ya allah ya tuhanku, kabulkn lah rintihan da doa2 ku ini..

amin.. insyallah..

tkcr baby.. mummy loves you with every inch of me.. muacks..

love,
-shark.